“I’m not sure how I got here
But I’m sure glad that I did
And it’s crazy to think that one little thing
Could’ve changed all of it.
Maybe it didn’t turn out like I planned
Maybe that’s why I’m such, such a lucky man” Darius Rucker, This
‘Ze’, it is the Hebrew word for ‘this’. Ze is a core principal in my life. I believe at my deepest core that things happen for a reason. I am not a spiritual person by any means. I wrestle every day with what I believe and don’t about a higher power. But I do believe there is some abstract force that guides our path. I am not sure if that is a deity, something we create internally or a concept we can’t even perceive yet. But I have come to learn, after a lot of good and bad in my life, that everything has a reason. That what seems the worst moment in our life can redirect us to the greatest moment in our life and that losing something we thought we couldn’t survive without can point us on a new path we need. I have learned to look for the what comes next in every change in my life. More important than that though I have learned to let go faster and let the redirections happen. Still probably not as fast as I should, but a lot faster than I used to.
I was taught a lot of great principles growing up. I learned to work hard, to give my all, to never accept mediocre, to never believe I can’t do something I set my mind to. Looking back, however, I realize the messaging around never giving up is a little warped in the world. From a young age we are taught that admitting something isn’t working for us and setting it aside is failure. That we should do everything in our power to hold on, to try to make it work, and to persist. When we set something aside we are labeled a quitter or told we are giving up too easy. We are programmed to fight the opportunity for a redirection.
I have found myself falling into that trap recently. There were two situations in my life that I knew weren’t working for me, one with my show horse and one with school. In both cases I knew I needed to go down a different path. I needed a horse that was a better fit to my riding style and with school, I needed a master’s program more geared towards the information I wanted to learn. But I was stopping myself. In looking back I realize, in both cases, I was waiting for others to tell me it was ok. To give me permission to do what I already knew was right. I wanted someone else to lift the stigma that they didn’t work out from me and allow me to redirect my path. Luckily for me those conversations happened and I am in the process of making both changes, but I am struck deeply by why I needed that. Why was I afraid to do what I needed for myself?
For most of us fear of failure is tied up in letting others down. We are afraid to be judged, to be a disappointment, to be rejected because we didn’t meet what we perceive as another’s expectation of us. We stay unhappy in hopes it will make those around us happy. How backwards is that if you really think about it? What we usually find once we make the change and are headed down the new path is that as we succeed we make those around us even happier. It is a win-win.
What have you been holding onto that doesn’t work for you? Where in your life have you stayed too long? What leap of faith have you been afraid to take? Give yourself the permission to redirect. Allow yourself the right to say I have gotten all I can from this experience, I have learned all I am going to or this is not leading me where I want to go. Allow you next ‘ze’ to happen!!!